How to Handle Intrusive Questions at a Gathering

You’re enjoying a family or public gathering when the inevitable happens: A curious person approaches and asks an intrusive question about you, your family, or a mutual acquaintance. How do you respond firmly, but politely? Here are some ideal responses:

"Why do you ask?"
This direct question puts the intrusive questioner on the spot. They may sputter, act indignant—even offended…but they won’t want to tell you why they’re asking. And that works in your favor.

"I don’t discuss that."
Said with a forced and patient smile, it puts a full stop to further questioning. You haven’t qualified the statement, ala “…with casual friends.” Or “…with strangers.” Or “…with anyone outside the family.” Qualifying a statement opens it up to argument. The questioner’s quick response might be, “But I’m not a stranger!” Four strong words simply and effectively ends the discussion attempt.

"I’m afraid that’s private information."
Keep that tolerant smile on your face when you say it, and possibly add a “you understand” nod. Then go silent. If the questioner wants to argue, simply say “Please excuse me,” and walk away.

"I don’t share that information."
Expect some blowback, like “But it’s ME! You know I can keep a secret!” Just repeat the phrase as a mantra. Then excuse yourself and exit.

"That’s not for me to say."
Expect an immediate response of, “Then who can I ask?” Be ready with, “I really can’t tell you.” And you won’t tell them…because you’re walking away with a tolerant smile.

"That’s not my story to tell."
This response is particularly good with gossipers wanting inside information about someone you both know. The question is not about you, so it’s not your story. Expect, “But you know something, right?” Add, “You’ll have to ask them”…neither confirming nor denying what you do or don’t know. Smile politely and move on.

One thing you should NEVER do is raise your voice and demand, “How dare you??” Because the truth is: People dare. People are impertinent—on purpose. People feel they have a right to know. You won’t embarrass these people, but you will embarrass yourself…and you can almost guarantee that exchange will be widely shared.

Do you need to know how to handle other awkward situations at gatherings? Check out the video below.