More Food, Less Drama

How to Keep Family Holiday Gatherings Drama-Free

Ah, the inevitable drama of family gatherings, when the dream of “holiday cheer” turns into uncelebrated gloom—usually brought on by crass, unkind, unthinking, even purposely-critical guests.

Hosting is hard. After cleaning, decorating, shopping, cooking and set up, party hosts are usually exhausted before the celebration even begins—which is exactly why so few people agree to open their homes to friends and family. And who can blame them?

But when those friends/family complain about anything—the food, the decor, the space—they’ve crossed the line between careless commentary and intentional disrespect. And the host has every right to calmly and thoughtfully respond either in the moment or after the last dish is washed and stored.

The best options are:

“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
You’ve acknowledged the complaint and feeling, but you have NOT apologized for your efforts.

“You’re more than welcome to host next time.”
They won’t host next time—because hosting is hard work—but the invitation is officially out there.

“I look forward to trying your own (insert food item).”
Follow through on this one. If the guest makes it better, but all means…be happy to sample it!

Now, if hosts dare to request feedback on how they handled their hosting duties, guests can certainly offer thoughtful and respectful criticism. But note: Guests should only comment on what their hosts can change.
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For instance: If the turkey was generally acknowledged as too dry, a guest could offer, “Great effort on a challenging dish! You might try Aunt Beverly’s turkey recipe next time. She always got rave reviews!” (Thanks for trying, different recipe, better outcome.) But not: “Your home is too small for parties.” (Rude, unhelpful. The space is what it is. It won’t be getting larger.)

BUT…if the host has NOT asked for feedback, guests should not offer it. Ever. If guests don’t like the offered food, they can suggest potluck for the next gathering. If they don’t like the space, they can open their larger homes for a celebration. And keep those hosting duties on rotation!

Whilst party hosts should demonstrate graciousness, party guests have one responsibility upon accepting the invitation and entering a host’s home: thankfulness. If hosts feel unappreciated or even attacked, they’re unlikely to host those attendees again—an excellent boundary. But they should certainly give hosting another try…maybe with a different crowd.

Hosts: Make sure your guests feel welcome. Thank them for coming. Make them as comfortable as possible.
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Guests: Make sure your hosts feel appreciated. Thank them for their efforts. Compliment anything you can.

​Graciousness + thankfulness = party success. It’s really that simple.